Tips for solo female travelers in India

This post was written by group member Nitzanit Saadon

When in Rome, dress as the Romans do; don't be afraid; be respectful but cautious; stay extra alert. Dear travelers, especially women travelers. Recently I've seen many posts about sexual harassment, the fears and concerns of women traveling alone, and even real-time pleas for help. Naturally, each post drew countless comments: some supportive, some critical, some offering advice, and some very alarmed. As a young woman (relatively speaking—not sixteen, but with some life experience) who has been traveling solo in India for five years, I'd like to share some of my experience, explain a little, and offer tips for solo women travelers. Feel free to share. *Of course, you may disagree with my views, and you're welcome to do so. One caveat: women's status is much better in the big cities, though still far from great compared with the West. *This is written for women, but some tips also apply to the handsome sex :) Since this is a long post, I've divided it into two parts: background on women's status in India, and practical tips for solo women travelers. Let's start with the fact that India is still a religious country. Despite its progress in certain areas, society remains very, very patriarchal when it comes to women, and this is reflected in every aspect of life. A woman in India is not an independent individual; she always belongs to someone. From birth, she grows up surrounded and protected by her family. Indian women may seem independent—you'll see doctors, designers, architects, lawyers, or strong farm workers carrying 30 kg of straw on their slender backs. I've even met female ticket inspectors on overnight journeys and female rickshaw drivers. Yet they are still not fully independent. One sign of this is that an Indian woman generally won't travel alone—not on long journeys, short trips into town, walks to the next village, or walks down the street at night. There are countless reasons for this. One is the desire to protect girls, their honor, and their virginity. The vast majority of marriages in India are arranged by families. Even in love marriages, rather than arranged ones, parents still have to approve their daughters' choice. Without their approval, the marriage won't happen. (Of course, some couples elope and marry despite all the obstacles, just like in a Bollywood film.) Before marriage, a woman “belongs” to her parents' household and must obey them. After marriage, in the vast majority of cases, she moves into her husband's family home and “belongs” to his family. She cannot come and go as she pleases, must obey her in-laws, and must share the household work. Sometimes she even needs their permission to visit her own family for a few days. So a respectable woman doesn't go out alone: to avoid certain situations, gossip about her walking alone, and harassment. Under this way of thinking, if she is alone, she probably isn't respectable. In truth, women are at a disadvantage even before birth. The main reason a baby's sex cannot be disclosed through a prenatal ultrasound in India is that some families would still choose to abort a female fetus. (An illegal abortion, incidentally, as there are still strict restrictions on abortion.) It isn't that daughters aren't a blessing, but financially, sons are preferable: they are the natural heirs to farmland, stay with or near their parents, and care for them in old age, while daughters are seen as a poor investment. (It is worth noting that equality laws are being updated, and women can inherit land.) Parents raise daughters until marriageable age, then they leave to live with their husband's family—after their parents have paid a substantial dowry to the groom's parents. If you meet someone in India who annoys you and want to curse him without getting violent, wish him lots of daughters, all married into good families. Of course, in the big cities you'll meet modern Indian women as liberated as women in the West, but parents still have considerable influence over marriage. India is still very religious. Don't be misled by Western clothing or sometimes revealing traditional dress; think of many villagers as being as religious as ultra-Orthodox Jews. Really. Many people you'll meet burn incense, perform pujas, and pray daily. Before certain events, they hold a major puja. At least once a month, there will be some puja in the village, whether for a religious date, because a villager wants to ask the gods for something, or simply as an occasion to slaughter a goat. Many won't eat or drink in certain places because they, too, have strict dietary rules, mainly about who prepared the food. Now, although India is religious, it is supposedly democratic, so restrictions on access to online porn are very limited. Porn-viewing rates in India are among the highest in the world. Desire still exists, but acting on it is forbidden because girls' honor must be protected. So what do men overflowing with hormones do? They release that tension by watching porn, visiting sex workers, or harassing women they think they can harass. I should mention that prostitution in India is fairly “organized.” There is a caste of sex workers, entire villages where girls are destined for prostitution, and places such as Goa and Mumbai where sex workers come from around the world, with prices to match. Not only do police fail to enforce the law adequately, but they sometimes use these services themselves and even collaborate with pimps. (The pimps are often also shady drug dealers who pass some of their earnings to corrupt police officers.) Of course, there is a difference between village and city women. In cities, women enjoy greater equality, are more open and sexually active, and dare to wear more revealing clothes. Yet despite feeling freer, many people still judge them harshly, and most still wouldn't feel safe walking alone in the middle of the night or traveling long distances alone. Now let's focus on what's relevant to us: harassment. Stories of harassment do come up, but remember that this is a country of almost a billion and a half people—you'll find every kind of story in India. I don't think harassment is statistically more common there than elsewhere. Tourists are also easier targets because they are perceived as more sexually open and liberated, largely based on films or visits to pubs in Europe, Canada, or other Western countries. Some men are simply trying to “hit on” a woman without understanding that it amounts to harassment. And, of course, a tourist is alone, while they may be afraid to harass a local village woman who has support and family nearby. As I said, an Indian man who decides to harass a tourist will generally choose an easy target or someone who happens to catch his attention. So what can we women do about it?

• A. When in Rome, dress as the Romans do. Look at how local women dress and match their level of modesty wherever you are—not necessarily their style—simply to attract less attention. In the south and Goa, shorter, more revealing clothes are fine; in the north, definitely not. Legs attract a lot of attention because they are rarely exposed. So:
  • • Long trousers or a skirt that covers your knees.
    • Bare shoulders and underarms: You'll rarely see an Indian woman baring her shoulders; her sleeves will cover at least the upper third of her arms.
    • Bare midriffs: Usually fine, but notice how women dress: the upper abdomen is exposed, not the lower. In some states, such as Himachal Pradesh, this is rare; in Rajasthan, for example, it's much more common.
    • Necklines: In some places, women wear plunging necklines, but they are usually from nomadic communities or are older women who don't care. Indian women generally won't show any cleavage.
    • Tight clothes: Not common at all. Indian women do wear leggings, but always with a long kurta that covers and conceals the shape of their hips. Even a shirt tucked into trousers to emphasize the waist can be seen as immodest. Modesty rules mostly apply to young women, who are seen as sexual objects. Forget everything I've said about modesty when you see an older matriarch—she'll walk topless into a main ghat in Varanasi. She's older now and doesn't give a damn.
• B. Don't be afraid. What do I mean? Once fear sets in, it's hard to control, but remember that most men will look for an easy target. A victim who shows fear is an easy target. If she shows no fear and looks determined, they'll prefer someone else. If she immediately resists, shouts, makes a scene, or hits back, they'll leave her alone and try an easier target—if they still have the energy after being hit.

So how can you avoid being afraid? First, take precautions. Some people here stress that you shouldn't travel alone or walk down the street alone. I understand and respect that view, but my approach is a little different. Indians know I'm different. I dress modestly, but I want to move around freely, unlike Indian women. If you dress modestly and show no fear, they may understand that you're different—not simply a lone, sexually promiscuous woman they can intimidate. So how do you avoid fear? First, remember that most people are good, and that fear attracts people looking for easy targets. I do go around alone: at night, on long journeys, on trains, planes, and buses. Completely alone, sometimes for weeks at a time. On sleeper trains and buses, it's better to take the upper berth, both to watch your bags and because you're harder to reach up there. I actually recommend the more basic train classes: Sleeper or AC 3. There are either no berth curtains or fabric curtains that are easy to pull aside. The whole carriage feels exposed to what's happening; there's no privacy, which can sometimes be an advantage. People won't harass you in a crowded carriage. In higher classes, some carriages are half-empty and more isolated, and people keep to themselves rather than getting involved. In basic, crowded carriages, people will soon start talking to you, perhaps share their meals, and generally make you feel they'll protect you because you're a woman traveling alone. I was once harassed on a train. I firmly pushed the man's hand away, but he continued, so I shouted. Several men immediately came over and threw him off the train. If you project strength, people are less likely to harass you, and if they try, shout immediately. If people have already come to help, you feel safe, and you want to humiliate the man in return, take off a flip-flop and give him a few slaps with it. It's very humiliating, and it's what local women do. (Take this advice with a grain of salt ) Once in Varanasi, I was walking along a ghat with a friend. Despite having a tall man beside me and wearing shawls and a coat—it was winter—an Indian man reached out as he passed and touched my breast. I immediately turned and chased him, as did my friend. We caught him and didn't hit him, though I think the boatmen who saw what happened had already done so. Another confidence booster: do some homework before arriving somewhere new. Read about the place, understand where you are and where you'll sleep, and download maps of the area to get your bearings. If you arrive at night with a few hours until sunrise, it's better to stay at the bus or train station until morning before heading out. Of course, places like Delhi are awake 24/7, but many Indian villages are deserted after 10-11 at night, with only four-legged and two-legged dogs roaming around. If you walk at night, stick to well-lit streets with people around, not dark alleys. Some recommend carrying pepper spray; I've never used it. Maybe I'm deluding myself, but I think people harass me less because I look physically strong: I carry a heavy backpack, look somewhat muscular, and walk quickly and confidently with my back straight. If it helps you feel safer, I generally recommend a few self-defense classes and building physical strength. I can see Indians' appreciation when they watch me easily lift a twenty-kg water container or carry 30 kg on my back. (Once, a husband and wife in a village offered to take me in as a second wife because they saw I was strong and could carry lots of firewood.)

• C. Be respectful but cautious. The incidents I mentioned above involve complete strangers, but harassment can also happen after an attacker has known the victim for a few hours or days. This can be more dangerous because you let your guard down a little once someone becomes an acquaintance. So don't get too huggy with Indian people you barely know, don't give out kisses, and avoid long, full-body hugs. Indians don't do this with one another. A handshake, side hug, or loose hug with only your shoulders touching is enough. Don't create unwanted intimacy.

If you're seeing an Indian man romantically or as a friend, a man who respects you will never touch your private areas, kiss, grope, or caress you in public. Look at married Indian couples: they don't show affection in public; it's considered immodest. If an Indian man touches you too much in public, even if you're in some kind of relationship, speak up. It looks bad to others, gives you a reputation for promiscuity, and suggests that the man you're with doesn't really respect or value you, which can also leave you vulnerable.

• D. Stay extra alert. What can I tell you? I'm tired, honestly. In India, you always need to be a little more alert than usual. Not afraid, not suspicious of everyone, but constantly aware and on your guard, especially when traveling. I've seen many travelers get high before long journeys, take a sleeping pill, or eat some bhang, especially when leaving Varanasi, where it's readily available and legal. But if you're traveling alone, I don't recommend getting high on journeys. Only relax and fall asleep after getting a little acquainted with your fellow passengers. Even if you're tired, it's worth chatting with them for a few minutes. If you need help later, they're more likely to step in if they already know you.

About filing formal complaints: It's extremely bureaucratic and complicated. The option exists, of course, but it will take a large chunk out of your trip. Still, if someone wants to file a complaint, more power to her. Just remember that the system is so rotten that reporting a specific person might mean you can never return to that village, because he may hold a grudge and have plenty of local friends. People usually remember the attacker, not the victim. Once the victim becomes the attacker, it's a declaration of war. Women's status in India concerns me deeply, but after years there, I've realized that some things are very difficult to change, and change can only happen gradually. Goa is one example: tourists have really changed the place and its attitudes toward women. Travel safely, and feel free to share, tag, and comment. Anyone needing more advice or help is welcome to message me privately: Nitzanit Saadon